Pretend you are a geologist for a second, and then pretend like you were just told you can’t drink beer for a while. And now pretend you’re devastated, because that’s what would happen if you were a geologist. This is has been what it’s like the last couple of weeks.
I’ve been having, over the past year or so, some crazy nausea problem. Like, every day, in the morning and afternoons specifically, I was having debilitating nausea. Couldn’t talk, couldn’t walk, and worst of all, couldn’t throw up. I wished and wished I could just throw up and feel better, but it never happened. I couldn’t even make myself do it. Was in and out of the doctor’s constantly, xray after xray and they couldn’t find anything. Eventually, I started cutting out different foods trying to isolate the problem. Turns out, food was never the problem. I figured it out after getting too shaky for my chem labs and cut out the one consistency of my day. Coffee. Coffee was the problem. Can you believe that? Do you know what that news is like? Well, pretend like you read the first paragraph. It’s like that.
But at least I am slowly starting to feel better. I am now realizing that it may also be an anxiety problem. Since it’s starting to feel like I have to give a public speech or presentation every time I leave the house. I don’t know where this started, though. I never had anxiety for public speaking until this last semester. I start to freeze, my thoughts get jumbled, ect. I need to work on that again. (If you have this problem, I suggest this: Get a couple of magazine with a lot of people in them. Cut out the faces and hang them on your wall at eye-height. It helps you make eye contact and gets you used to having all these eyes staring you all the time. I did this in high school and it’s helped me a bunch. At least till now? I just need to do it again!) I just feel like that all the time. I think it may be the imminent thesis looming and haunting me.
My productive winter break, why have you eluded me so?
If only I had a nickel for every time I told myself how productive I’d be over winter break. I’d have like, 50 cents! I knew it was a lie to myself from the beginning. I knew some other shit would pop up and ruin it. That’s always the case. This time, it was one of my roommates deciding he wanted to move out. After thoroughly convincing me and my other roommate that he was going to stick around for this last semester, of course.
So not only am I having to move and clean, but I’ve made minimal progress on my thesis and internship. At least I got a front page designed in Photoshop. Progress, right? Now to just teach myself to use Dreamweaver in the next two weeks so I can work on a little bit here and there in between my last classes. As far as my thesis goes – well, eh, I’ve more or less thought about going to the library. Maybe I’ll get around to doing that today after I pick up a few odds and ends from my old place. Yeah. I think I’ll do that.
I have at least made time for some fun. I bought way too many games for the holiday Steam sale and have been playing a little bit here and there. I accidentally got drunk at a bonfire. That was embarrassing. Just in case you didn’t know, if there are only 4 beers to a pack, there is a reason for that. Also, my fault for never checking the alcohol content of Rasputin and drinking 3 before it was time to go home. I drove to the beach, and someone had to drive me back. Again, embarrassing, but I learned my lesson and that particular friend will be getting a thank-you cake soon.
Back to the winter break grind, ya’ll. Only two more weeks until my last semester.